Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
