Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
