pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
