real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
