If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
