So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
