alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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