Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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