I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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