that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
