yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
