I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My ass is underappreciated
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
