Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
should my penis look like a turkey
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
