You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just cropdusted the office
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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