it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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