my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
