Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
