I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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