I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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