dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
