I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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