Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
