This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
