And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
