he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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