If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
