whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My cat gives me a boner
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
