i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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