You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
