So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
