Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
