margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
