I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
