Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
