Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
