Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
