Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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