just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
