finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
