You just made me feel so damn special
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
