just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
