he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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