Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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