the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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