Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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