my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
