oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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