Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
