He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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