summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
