I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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