awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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