Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
