when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
