Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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