He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
is it fun? or sober?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
