Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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