Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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