AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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