what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
