Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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