I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
