Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
