I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
