trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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