You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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