Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's always time for handjobs
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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