I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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