I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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