Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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