Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
