So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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