what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
